2 Months old

Nathan has finally reached 2 months old! Everyday, I'm just counting down to see him growing heavier and chubbier. Thank God that though his reflux is seriously troubling him, he still feeds well, even more now that his demands have increased with his good size. The last visit to the doc, his new weight is 5.13kg, which is promising despite his constant mouthfuls of vomits. I really do not know how much he's taking in since I'm on total breast feeding, but he is definitely getting me more tired each day with more crying and longer and more frequent feeds. I only pray that he can sleep longer after the feeds, but many times, it isn't so, after a short half hour, he's ready for another feed. I do worry that he hasn't got enough, that's why he's been waking up often. Still, I insist on full breast feeding, for his own good, and bottle feeding can introduce more problems too, for all you know. I'm drawing strength from the Lord by trying to sing songs to him when he wails, or pray with him , constantly telling him to trust God to take away his discomfort. Sometimes I doubt my prayers if God is listening, cos he only cries louder and longer, have I little faith? It is tough with Nathan, and doc prepared me that as he grows bigger, his reflux may peak at 3-6 months. I hope I can handle the battle when it comes.

All night long

Tuesday, 20th June. It was our first trip to dg with baby Nathan. We were bidding farewell to Venny who is going to US to work. But it turned out that the key person didn't make it, we gathered anyway. Babies are often the centre of attraction everywhere they go anytime. It was a good catch up session with Huiwan who just returned from her one yr vacation on Duolos, and Karen who's back for her summer break from bible school at UK. A great reunion indeed. Nathan fussed alittle for milk, then rested well. But when we reached home, he had no peace at all, wailed the whole night long. I haven't had such a long night with him before, thoroughly exhausted me. He seemed to be coughing and choking quite a bit, and even sneezing too. Thought he caught a cold from his dad. So we decided to pay a visit to the doctor once again. Dr T Tan was on leave, so Dr Lee examined baby. Dr Lee is more chatty, listens better and longer too, not hasty like Dr T. I like her. After checking Nathan, seems like it still is his reflux that is causing so much discomfort, including choking and coughing, all related to reflux. Nathan has 4th degree reflux, which is really bad and need to increase dosage of medicine. I asked if its becasue he's a premie. But she said that reflux is as common as jaundice, some get it light, not needing medication, but others, like my boy gets it bad and could last for several months. She has a friend whose kid suffered from reflux for a year long. I pray that my darling doesn't have to. May God give us strength to persevere through this trial period.

Bad Night

Sunday, June the 14th, a night to forget ... Since Nathan's home coming, he has never given us such a bad night as last night. Even on days when he was grouchy, it would be only for a short while like 10 mins at most. But it was horror of horrors last night. He wouldn't stop crying. Nothing we did seem right for him. He would only stop when he chose to. We were scratching our heads if it was reflux that caused him such discomfort, or has he developed new symptons of cough or cold ... we couldn't diagnose. He would stir in his bed first, started choking, then wailed, and when I picked him up, he still wouldn't stop wailing. After feed, he would choke and cry again. And this went on every hour. I was wondering where my strength would come ... I prayed. It was times like this that you know humanly speaking, it would be impossible for me to have that amount of patience and endurance. I would happily wheel his cot out of the room and let him be ... but thank God there's such thing called 'mother's love', wells out from within, I couldn't explain it, but seeing and hearing him cry certainly pains me everywhere too. I really hope he can grow up soon, start talking to me, and tell me what he wants and needs. Now at this stage, reading his cries has been one difficult task. 'Sleep like a baby...?" No way man. That's only in adverts trying to con people into buying their stuff, i,e matresses? Mine doesn't sleep that well. At most, occasionally, 3 hours straight, other times, every 1 or 2 hours, he would wake for feeds. Sometimes I do wonder what I did wrong ... just want to make it more right soon.

06

Messy Baby

Never have I experienced such mess in my entire life. Well, with a new babe at home, tell me what's not new?? It was one of the regular bath times. Usually, I would wash his curly hair first in his dirty shirt, then towel dry the head, take off his diaper and shirt and in soak the babe in the tub. This time, it was not that smooth at all. Hair washing was fine, nothing could go very wrong there. But once I laid him down on his back to wipe his buttocks, he shot his pee at me. Then he started vomitting. Out poured his milk from the mouth and urine from his penis ... Not all over, I cleaned him up, then put him in the tub, of course with his neck fully supported. Nathan doesn't usually struggle at bath time, but I don't think he has come to express his enjoyment yet, like splashing or smiling. He still has that clenched fists and frowned eyes. His pee was not over yet, he peed again in the tub and more vomits followed. What could be more sanitizing than bathing in his pee and vomit ... better than not bathing at all? That bath time was one of the many messy moments. With boy still suffering from reflux, guess there'll be more messy jobs every now and then, count myself blessed if he's clean after feeds... often not so, I can't count how many shirts he has dirtied on me and himself in a day. Hence, laundry has become a daily chore ...

Wailing babe

I gave up and gave in to medication, finally. Nathan's been crying too much, too hard, too long, and looks like he's in alot of pain. I can bear it no longer, decided to follow doc's advice to put him back on medication, twice a day. Doesn't seem to get better yet, hopefully in a week or two. I had a chat with the doc on the phone yesterday and tried to understand more about Reflux. He has two kids with similar problems, both lasting up to 2 months or so. The medication doesn't help to get rid of the reflux, but it reduces the acid in the tummy, making him more comfortable during and after feeds and allowing him to sleep more peacefully, without having to struggle with the acid juice stirring in him. I'm definitely not totally comfortable with feeding him what's unnatural at such a young age, but seeing him cry so much pains me even more. So long as he is eating well, and sleeping, think medication may be the answer to his problem. Hopefully he will be able to outgrow reflux by his second month.

At 6 weeks old

We visited the doctor in the morning for a follow up check up on jaundice and have his second hap B jab taken. At 6 weeks old, Nathan is weighing 4.33kg, head circumference of 38.5 and body length of 54.9cm. Compared to his birth dimensions, both doc and us are very happy with his progress. He is still having reflux, alot of discomfort in the stomach after each feed. I'm trying to be more patient with him by picking him up quite quickly to avoid any vomitting. Sometimes it works, other times, he still forces milk out. I refuse to feed him medication. I wish that he could fight it out himself and improve over time. That also means that I need more patience and endurance, cleaning him up more frequently, and carrying him for longer hours. Everything else looks bright and beautiful. Whenever he sleeps, he is an adorable angel, and when he wakes, if he doesn't cries, he is one cute fellow too, eyes wide open and looking round. He seems to be making eye contact with me already, recognizes my voice and hugs. He wants to be entertain during feeds too, wants to be spoken to or sung to. Sometimes if I watch TV while feeding him, he would make noise, saying, "I don't want to be left out." A baby he is, but don't doubt his abilities, surprising me many times.

New Chair

I just got this blue netted rocker from a friend. Not sure if Nathan likes sitting in it, but Chong says he does looks like he is stranded, and no one likes to be bind like that. But according to most mums, they swear by it, cos you can bring it with you everywhere and anywhere, within the premise of the house, unlike the cot.

Nathan slept in it for a good 1.5 hours, so I think I'll continue to try using it, until perhaps he's grown too big to be binded like that.

It works for now .

First Shopping Trip

June 1st 2006, Thursday Our little family went on our very first shopping trip! Nathan is 6 weeks old now, so we think he can manage better outdoors. I just bought a breast feeding shield, so, feeding him outside won't be much of a trouble. Haven't got a nursing bra yet, so one of the purpose of the outing, to get one! Chong took half day off. It was our 4th year wedding anniversary. How time flies! And we're a happy couple for a good 4 years already. This year is especially significant, cos we have a baby added to our marriage. Going out is quite a headache, for first time parents. We discussed and talked about the location for a long time, should we head for suntec city, or orchard, or where else is convenient and not so far for us to travel. In the end, we went for the furthest choice - Causeway Point at Woodlands. It took us some 20 minutes or more to get there, cos Chong exited the expressway wrongly. The two of us only managed to have our lunch close to 3.00p.m. Went all the way there, hoping to dine in Soup restaurant, it was close. Went to Crystal Jade kitchen instead. Not too bad a choice, fish was large and juicy, beef was too salty. Our dear baby allowed us a peaceful meal, till I was almost done with, he woke up after a 2 hr nap (which is good enough) for a feed. I fumbled alittle at first, trying to work out the shield for the first time, carrying him from the pram and sitting him down and guiding him to feed. He must have felt it a strange experience too, having to feed under a 'blanket' with alot of noise and bright light. After lunch, it was mission no. 2 - getting my first nursing bra. I didn't take long to get one. Dad's too anxious to look around the men's section. I got a little mad. We exited Metro and head for a mutually interested place - Cold Storage. And then back home. We were out for almost 4 hours, and it was not that bad after all. Baby was good, didn't make a fuss. He was contentedly sleeping or resting in his bright red pram. Think the motion helps alot. He enjoys travelling in the car too. Hmm, when shall we go out again?